Bad Dream

I have been a typing fool over here for the last month. A. Typing. Fool.
I have written just as much in the last few weeks as I did in the months I’ve been working on this book of mine. I am so close to being done. I want to hook a coffee IV in my arm and plow through the weekend, nights and all. The light is at the end of the tunnel and I just want this train to press on.
But I’m a tad stuck right now (which is why I’m fooling around on the blog instead of adding more to the word count of book 2). I’m stuck because I have to make a character that I’ve come to love go through something really hard. In the chapters leading up to this, alluding to something, I’ve been a little sick with each line that brings this moment closer.
But it’s necessary. It just is. I am mere paragraphs away and it will be crucial to her relationship with the Lord…but man, it’s tough.
So I skip around and add to other characters’ stories and delay the process, but…it’s time. Today I expect to weep at the computer and my husband and family will poke fun. My oldest will say something like, “Mommy always cries when she talks about God,” while hooking a hand on her hip, wagging her finger, rolling her eyes or sassing in some other way-too-grown-up-for-my-six-year-old way.
She’s right. I do always cry when I talk about God. His goodness, His love, His awesome power overwhelms me.
When I write, I don’t feel like I’m playing God. I can no more create these characters and their stories without the hand of God on mine, than I could grow a garden without His soil, His seeds, His sunshine, and His water. All belongs to Him, even my imagination.
When I write, it’s like walking through a foggy field. I have a general idea of the direction to go and with each step more and more of my surroundings are revealed to me. And, with each step, God reveals things to me for my own growth and heart, through the fog of the characters’ lives. I am so grateful that He speaks to me this way.
But sometimes the road is tough.
I don’t want to hurt my characters any more than I want to hurt myself. They are part of me. Well, except for my icky guy. I have tried to kill him off several times, but evil is not so easily erased. Neither are the hard lessons, memories or experiences. But, although some chapters leave me with an awful heaviness, like in the hours after one has awoken from a bad dream, the growing and stretching is necessary to the story.
I better get to it, clinging to the hope of Christ. Yes, the characters are fictional. But their need for a Savior is as real as yours and mine.
“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” C.S. Lewis

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3 thoughts on “Bad Dream

  1. What a gift you give your readers, my friend, as you write from the depths of your relationship with God, nothing held back. As I read this post, I just feel humbled that you have sacrificed time, emotion, and comfort to tell the story God has given you—and that I get to benefit from it as I read your books. Write on, Bethany—that field He is asking you to walk through will cause good seeds to sprout in the fields of your readers’ hearts, including mine.

  2. I could not put this book down. When is the next one coming out? I am very anxious to read it. It was a wonderful book. This book brought about so many emotions. I stayed glued to it from beginning to end.

    1. Thank you for sharing this with me,Kathy! I just turned the second manuscript over to the publisher, so it is in the works! I will update progress highlights here and on my Facebook page (B.D.Riehl) so stay tuned!

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