Still borrowing old posts. This one fits with the story I’m writing, although you’ll have to wait to see why.
I am terrified of outer space.
I love to learn about planets, stars and such, but the thought of vast space sends shivers down my spine. Every step toward space travel for everyday folk makes me quiver.
I am also afraid of dying.
Sad, but true. The reasons change with each phase of life. As a child I was afraid for obvious reasons. As a young adult I was afraid of dying and never experiencing marriage or motherhood.
Now I ache at the thought of something happening while my children are young. I so badly want to watch them grow and be part of that process.
Silly fears, especially since I will be with my Lord when that happens, but I am human after all.
And even though I know I will be in Heaven with my Maker, I’m scared of the unknown, much the same way I’m scared of space. Eternity is unfathomable, as vast and unsearchable as the universe is.
That song, “He’s got the whole world in His hands” goes through my mind as I write. Sometimes I am stuck in that song. The whole world, yes. From the first to now and on to the last, this world is His and is in His hands.
But it goes beyond that. Space, Heaven, the Unknown is all created by Him and in His hands. I have nothing to fear, and yet the unknown plagues me.
In college a group of us left Portland late one afternoon for a bonfire in Cannon Beach. I always say I met the Lord intimately on the beaches of that town because I spent my first year away from home there and it was there that my faith became my own. It is only fitting that this memory took place on that beach:
The night was clear and moonless. Perfect for a fire. We laughed and sang. Boys jumped the flames as boys do and girls linked arms and skipped around as girls do.
The tide was out and a few of us ran out onto the wet, hard sand that is usually covered with waves. The sky was brilliant that night and I will never forget the awe I felt. At one point I found myself alone and looked down at the earth beneath me and experienced something I doubt I will again.
The night was so dark, sand so wet and stars so bright that the ground reflected the sky just as a smooth lake mirrors whatever surrounds it.
I was walking in space. And my footing was sure, solid. The safest way I can imagine experiencing my unrealistic fear was delivered to me.
For close to an hour, surrounded by the awesome majesty of God’s creation, we danced in space, drinking in the magic of that night.
Every time I am afraid of what I don’t know, that experience comes to mind.
I still struggle with fear. I still wonder and worry about things unseen.
But God is good to remind me of the night He invited me to dance among the stars.
“Oh Lord, our Lord, how excellent Your name is. How excellent Your name in all the earth. Your glory fills the heavens, beyond the farthest star. How excellent Your name above the earth. When I think about the heavens, the moon and all the stars, I wonder what You ever saw in me? But You took me and You loved me. You’ve given me Your crown. And now I’ll praise Your name eternally. Oh Lord, our Lord, how excellent Your name is. How excellent Your name in all the earth. Your glory fills the heavens, beyond the farthest star. How excellent Your name in all the earth.”